Ashlea Walton: Beautiful things happen when people believe

• Accountability, structured support, and community can break long-standing cycles.
• Education and purpose can transform lived experience into leadership.
• Recovery is possible, even after repeated setbacks and system involvement.

Surviving Without Knowing It: A Story of Hidden Strength

I didn’t know I was surviving. I just thought this was life. I learned early that love could come with fear attached to it, and I learned that silence could be safer than speaking in a lot of cases. But in my story, I found an incredible strength I never knew I had.

Childhood Trauma and Alcohol Addiction in the Family

Growing up, I feel like I lived a pretty normal life. Myself, my mum, and 3 sisters lived together, and Dad lived separately, but I saw him often. As my father’s only daughter, I am confident to say I was the apple of his eye. Although most days were good in the family, there were times of chaos, and that chaos I now know came from my father’s addiction to alcohol. I saw many fights, mostly verbal altercations between my mother and father, or my father and older sister. As a child, this all seems “normal,” and this is the steady path of what life looks like until I finish my years at primary school and move into Year 7. I found the start of the high school journey to be pretty smooth, but there was a lot of pushing boundaries and seeing where the limits sat at that age of around 13 and being in a new environment, skipping class, being rude to others, and feeling like this is what life is about, having a feeling of, I guess, being above others and the mindset of I would rather be street smart than book smart.

Teenage Pregnancy at 14: Becoming a Mother Too Soon

Well, I finished Year 7 and dropped out at the start of Year 8 due to becoming pregnant with my first daughter. That’s right, at the age of 14 I was going to become a mother. I was determined though, determined to show everyone that had doubted me that just because I was young, I could still be a great mum.

Domestic Violence and Ignored Red Flags

Life was pretty good for the first 2 years of her life until I was introduced to a man who would become the father of another 6 of my children. We began spending time with each other, and it didn’t take long before we were in a relationship. Looking back now, I see so many red flags, but at the time I just didn’t have the ability to see them for what they were. The days and nights I watched him being taken away by police for being drunk and abusive should have been enough for me to walk away, but I didn’t want to have another child to a man and have the relationship fall apart. I truly felt that unfortunately some women go through their lives living with an abusive man, and that’s just the way it is, and if that’s what I needed to put up with in order for my children to have their father in their life, then that’s what I would do.

We moved into our first property together, and for a little while things were going alright, until more times than not I noticed the change in the way he would treat my first child compared to the way he treated his own. My first daughter loved to spend time with her grandmother, and so at that time I felt that even though it was incredibly hard, it was in her best interest if she moved in with her grandmother and out of the home environment that we currently had.

Coercive Control, Isolation, and Living in Fear

This man had become incredibly controlling and made it feel pretty clear that his views were that a woman was to be at home with the kids and the man could basically do whatever he wanted. So pretty much isolated from family and whatever friends I had left, more and more children began to come into the world with the repeat pattern of myself being at home and him constantly leaving the house and returning home affected by drugs and alcohol, with myself knowing what was going to follow was chaos in the home, property being destroyed, a lot of verbal arguments, and the police being called to remove him. But the hardest part was knowing that when he was released from the police cells, he would be coming home, and many nights I would lie awake trying not to move under the covers, listening for any sounds of him walking down the driveway, unsure of what mood he would be in and what was going to unfold next.

First Use of Methamphetamine: The Beginning of Ice Addiction

One night I was allowed to leave the house to go out with a friend for a while, and that night was the first night I had ever tried methamphetamine. Was it a mix of rebellion against him for holding me inside, unable to do anything with anyone for such a long time, or just a decision that at the time seemed completely harmless? This was the beginning to over 10 years of an addiction to Ice and the beginning to years of involvement with child protection.

Child Protection Involvement and Repeated Removals

The children were removed many times, each time doing what needed to be done to have the kids returned to solely my care or returned to the care of myself and the father. But being so early into the addiction, I see now that we were just nowhere near ready and/or willing to give up that feeling we got from the use of the drug. It was something we did together. When we used together, we were happy until it came to the point of withdrawal, and the cycle continued to repeat and repeat. Many court cases, failed at-home attempts of getting clean, and many times our children were in tears being removed from the home at early hours of the morning due to our choices.

2018: Arrest, Sexual Assault Charges, and a Forced Awakening

I want to bring you forward now to 2018. This was the year that myself and the kids’ father last lived together. It was only myself, him, and my youngest at the time, but I was around 6 months pregnant at this point in time too. One night the kids’ father told me there were police out the front, to which I replied that unless they were physically on the property, I didn’t care, as I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong, so I wasn’t worried. Very shortly after that conversation took place, there was a loud knock at the door. The kids’ father went to hide in the property, and I held my youngest child and spoke to the detectives at the door. He asked me where the father of the children was. I replied I didn’t know. Around 5–6 detectives entered the property and began searching the house while I remained completely clueless as to why they could possibly be there. I did in fact ask the detective, and he replied there were warrants for failure to appear that needed to be cleared up, and if I saw him to tell him to contact the police station ASAP. They left, and the father came into the room and asked what was said. I told him and asked if there was something he had done, and to that he said no, he was unsure as to why they would be looking for him.

Breaking Free from a Toxic Relationship

Fast forward a couple of days, he was arrested inside my property with guns drawn on him for a serious sexual assault against another female in the same town. I can’t begin to put into words how lost I felt and just completely devastated. He was sentenced to 13 years in jail, but this was the break I didn’t know I so desperately needed to be able to break free from that toxic relationship.

Caregiver Burnout, Grief, and Escalating Drug Use

A few years into him being incarcerated, my mother got sick and I tried to care for her while also remaining at my own property. I thought I was strong enough to be able to travel the short distance to and from my place to hers each day to support her while also having my own independence. It just couldn’t be done. My use of methamphetamine increased to give me the energy I needed to care for her and my own place while also dealing with the emotional impact caring for her had on myself. I decided to give up my public housing property and move in with her. There were a lot of good times but also bad as well. I still continued to use until one day there was a knock at the door. It was once again child protection telling me they had received information that I was using and that there were reports of the children being treated badly. They requested a urine sample to be done. I did the urine sample, and of course it came back with traces of methamphetamine. The children were removed from my care, and once again I felt my world had fallen apart.

This time things felt even harder than any other because I knew only a few days before this had happened, I had gone to the doctor and had an honest conversation about my use, stating I wanted to get clean, but I needed the energy I got from using to continue to take care of my mum and the kids.

Betrayal, DHS Intervention, and Hitting Rock Bottom

I later found out that my own mother had made that report along with one of my sisters. I found this to be the biggest betrayal, and there was no way that I could forgive this decision. Finding out that my own family could do this to me and act like they were shocked as to why DHS even came tore me apart, made me feel incredibly stupid. I couldn’t take all the pain and attempted to take my life by overdose of medication.

Suicide Attempt and the Question No One Talks About

I woke up to paramedics beside my bed, and I was taken away to hospital for a short time. I was wondering why it is that it takes someone to attempt to take their life for people to show they care.

Recovery Begins: Drug Screens, Court, and Choosing Change

I returned back to the home, and in the coming days the children were allowed to return home, and this became the start of a new life for myself. DHS stated that for the kids to remain in the home, I would need to leave the home and complete 3 supervised urine drug screens a week for 3 weeks in order for me to be able to return. So I went to Melbourne, and that’s exactly what I did. I was linked into Family Drug Treatment Court at the time and did my weekly court hearings via Zoom from Melbourne for the duration of the time I was there. I smashed out my 3 screens a week for three weeks and returned home to the children. What an incredible moment.

Therapeutic Rehab and Finding Community Support

My supports continued, and I commenced therapeutic day rehab alongside remaining in Family Drug Treatment Court. I ended up completing 2 rounds of the day rehabilitation treatment and a successful completion of Family Drug Treatment Court and found it to be a truly wholesome experience. These guys became my family, people I trusted more than anyone else.

Education After Addiction: Studying Alcohol and Other Drugs

When I was due to start the third round of day rehab, something inside me clicked, and I just knew in myself I was ready for something bigger, something greater. I knew I was ready and wanted to inspire and support others on their recovery journeys. I made an enquiry through TAFE, and I struggled through the assessment process. Normally that would have been the point I threw in the towel and gave up, but my mindset had completely changed. I was more determined than ever before to succeed and make a difference no matter what the path looked like, even if it meant going back to do general education courses to then retry to gain entry into the Certificate 4 qualification.

I was given advice about trying another training campus, and that’s what I did, and I was successful.

From Addiction to Advocacy: Turning Lived Experience into Leadership

I was accepted into the Certificate 4 Alcohol and Other Drugs course, and I saw that through to the end, being given opportunities to do motivational talks at the day rehab for other members of the community going through their own journeys of sobriety.

Two Years Clean: Sobriety, Strength, and Reclaimed Identity

Today I stand having completed 2 successful rounds of therapeutic day rehabilitation, a successful completion of Certificate 4 in Alcohol and Other Drugs, Certificate 4 in Community Services. I am at the tail end of my Diploma of Alcohol and Other Drugs, and I continue to speak to members of the community to inspire, lead, and guide in every way I possibly can.

A now 32-year-old mother of 8 who has a voice, freedom, security, education, and a connection to community, and most importantly to her children, has now shone a light for many others to see that hard work and determination can come from anyone at all, given the right support and tools for success. I am currently over 2 years completely clean from any and all substances.

#AddictionRecovery, #LivedExperience, #SobrietyJourney, #DomesticViolenceSurvivor, #WomenInRecovery, #HealingFromTrauma, #RecoveryIsPossible, #CommunitySupport, #BreakingTheCycle